The Feminine Outliers

Accents, Attitudes and Assumptions

• Zelda Wasao

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In this episode of the Feminine Outliers Podcast, we delve into the complexities of accents, attitudes, and assumptions that arise when living abroad or in a multicultural environment. We share personal experiences about cultural misunderstandings and the biases faced due to different accents. The discussion touches on how accents can affect perceptions of intelligence and competence, both in social and professional settings. We also highlight the importance of embracing differences, expanding one's mindset, and being curious about other cultures. Join the conversation and share your thoughts on navigating identity beyond borders.


00:00 Introduction and Initial Thoughts

00:37 Welcome to the Family Lias Podcast

00:58 Accents, Attitudes, and Assumptions

01:52 Experiences with British and American English

03:52 Challenges with Language and Communication

04:46 Navigating Cultural Differences

07:25 Perceptions and Biases in Language

09:37 The Impact of Accents on Perception

11:56 Relatability and Bias in Communication

16:22 Discrimination Based on Speech

23:46 Regional Accents and Stereotypes

26:05 Stories of Immigrant Professionals

27:00 The Importance of Curiosity

27:29 Navigating Conversations as an Introvert

28:03 Respect and Understanding in Communication

28:45 Dealing with Stereotypes and Assumptions

30:45 Challenges of Being a Female Doctor

38:39 Strategies for Addressing Bias

41:24 Embracing Differences and Change

47:34 Conclusion and Call to Action

Leave us a comment or question or just say hi :)

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

But I realized that as time goes on and you deal with that, you just double down on what you're saying. I, the point I doubled down It's not a matter of, you can't understand, you can definitely try to understand like people need to get out of that thinking of they can't understand

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

If you're a person that like is in, a case in the US for example, it helps to travel so that you can see that you think is not normal. Is actually

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Normal. Yeah.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

There's no such a thing as exotic. What is exotic is actually normal in some places

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Welcome to the Family Lias podcast, where we are about life and self-discovery beyond borders. We are your hosts, Zelda Waal.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

And Manona.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

And we are excited to have you here with us today. Welcome back. We are excited to be back recording. Hopefully you guys enjoy this episode'cause it's, as you can tell by the title, we are gonna be talking about things to do. Accents attitude and assumptions, I think people who have immigrated somewhere or are living somewhere different or maybe are a different culture than where they are. Currently based, we'll have things, a lot of things to talk about in regards to this. So I'm hoping this is a fun entertaining and engaging topic. And it'll be nice to hear what you guys have to say in the comments once we are done with it. But for me, I think to get started, when I think about accents attitude and assumptions, the first thing that comes to mind. Actually, when it come to think about it is going back to college And Miami, university of Ohio. So I think I, might have said this at some point on the podcast, Troy, I am not sure, but basically I talked about how I would speak in. British English because that's how

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

yes.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

we were raised, like in, that's the type of English you speak in in Kenya And you don't realize the differences with American English until you actually come here and then you say, you start speaking it, and then it sounds, it's very different, right?

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

And personally, I find that Americans are not the best when it comes to dealing with differences. So they hear you say things in British and they're like, wait, huh? And I'm like, wait, what kind of English is that? Or Americans just, it's like they can't wrap their head around the fact that it's like a different type of English and stuff. You get those looks like really, like the way, that's how you say it. I'm like, yeah, that's how we are taught. And it's funny because I've heard some people some immigrants say, oh yeah, I speak the Queen's English so the Americans feel like yeah, I'm speaking the Queen English. I've heard people say that before. That was honestly the first thing that literally came to mind because it was honestly a funny struggle because writing was an issue.'cause obviously you write everything in British English, for example, color, C-O-L-O-U-R is C-O-L-O-R, things like that. That was really a struggle.'cause also, I don't know if the professors would be, I don't know. I wouldn't say prudent or wise enough, but I don't know if you understand that you are writing things in British English and that can cause issues, but then just speaking every day it's my classic example of can you please open the boot of the car? And people are like, what's the boot of the car? It's a trunk of the car.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah. Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

That was literally my first. Experience just dealing with that. It was very interesting because, funny to say, so in Kenya, because the schools I went to in high school were international. Like I a British system school and an American system school, we had people from all over. It was not unusual to have people with different accents. I never thought anything. I'm just like, it's fun. We all say things differently. We do things differently. And then when he comes to the US and it's it's frowned upon to say things or do things differently in a weird sense. But then because you speak British English also, it's not as big of a taboo. I would say, as me speaking something else. But that was just my initial introduction to this fun world of all of that. I don't know what, was your initial introduction to any of this? It is a fun world'cause.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

I, no. It's, no that's a good phrase. Fun willed to, to use the. The idea of the spelling I can resonate with because I actually was enrolled in an international English class. Because first of all, they couldn't recognize that Zambia does speak like Zambians do speak English or English is the primary. Language and I try to fight it to say look, I'm actually speaking to you in English. Can I not be in this class can I not be in this class? But I couldn't get away with it, so I found myself in the international class for English, and it was basically a way to integrate. International students into the wider American student community. And so it was a very interesting class actually. But I remember my first essay and I can't remember the topic, but anyway, I did it. I handed it over, I got it back, and it had a lot of. Red lining, and that was because of the spelling, the spellings were off'cause of the, as you said, the U in color traveling. It was double L sort of one L. And so yeah, so I got dinged for that actually. And that was the first time where I think basically my laptop, like in Microsoft Word, when you put the settings on them. American English versus British English. That started to help me'cause it would I just set, put the settings into American English and then it would help me correct the parts where I was not spelling it according to the American way. so yeah. And the thing is that I also did there have been funny moments with, in terms of like the words I used, I think for me it wasn't even the accent, it was the words I used like cookies instead. Like I used biscuits to mean cookies. So guess I didn't, I guess I didn't pay attention to whether my accent was. Similar or not. because I think I just carried this energy of I'm here, I'm present, I'm talking to you. And so if someone had said, oh, you sounded different, probably wouldn't think too much about it. But it sounds like you were very observant about the accents and the different, the differences in the accents.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

I think just because I grew up with a lot of different people, so it's just, and for me it was like in a very positive manner. Like I, I just found it so nice and intriguing, but I think the thing was that in America it seemed a little bit more negative. it's like for them it's no. You don't say things like that or or the correct you how you say it or stuff like that. But technically how you're saying it is not wrong. It's right another place. It's just, it's different here.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yes. Yes. The, there's this affinity to fit in because I guess there's no. There's no feedback you're getting right, because if people are, as you said, there's a sort of a question especially when someone says sorry I, can you repeat that? I can't, hear you. Like I, I'm guessing it gives you this sense of okay, I need to do better. what I'm saying because this person can't hear me. Like those responses make you feel like, okay, so I'm not welcome to speak the way I can speak. If someone is can you repeat that? Or, I'm sorry, what did you say? Or and I've seen that and I, as you said, I think coming from. English speaking countries already, that transition wasn't that hard, I have to say. But I know people with thicker accents or people whose primary language is not English could have heavier accents. And then people then are looking at them and being like, okay, I can understand you. Can you do better? Can you speak my language? and that's the thing, right? It's not, I wanna hear you, can you go slower? It's more ah, like, just speak the way everybody else speaks.'cause you're, my brain is hurting. Just trying to get what you're saying. I think maybe there's just an irritation and that's why it feels negative.'cause it's other person is not leaning in to say, hey, okay, just say it slower. I will pay attention and I will listen for the words and make things out. Yeah I've also noticed that, like when people do miss out on like prepositions,'cause sometimes English, not English is not their first language, they'll miss out on prepositions. myself, I would try to make the connection that they're trying to say this, but if somebody doesn't even wanna try and make that connection, it just doesn't feel as welcoming. It's more oh yeah, I I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Or I don't understand what you're saying at the moment. That's that's sad.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

I think like to that, I think what I would, because I do get it. When someone says a response like that, it throws you off and it makes you feel like automatically you feel like you need to try and be more understandable or be more, not even eloquent, it's just you try to rephrase what you're saying so that they can understand it better.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

And it makes you feel a little bit down, not down, but I need to change something about the way I speak. But I realized that as time goes on and you deal with that, you just double down on what you're saying. I, the point I doubled down and then you will try to understand because you can try to Understand. It's not a matter of, you can't understand, you can definitely try to understand like people need to get out of that thinking of they can't understand because when I'm talking to someone who English is not their first language, and as you said. They miss out on things and you try to make the connection and you don't, you're not always there trying to be like, okay, I don't understand you. I don't do this. I don't understand. Like fine if they say something that you don't understand because maybe the wording is very different or they maybe say something wrong and maybe the in the wrong context or something. The way I ask them to explain a little bit farther is different than the way you sometimes you find here in America, they try to like. Correct you. So I just learned how to double down on what now? Now I've got to the point where I just double down and be like, no, you you will. You will get it. If you don't wanna understand it, it's your problem. You, because like you technically shouldn't have, I don't think I'm that hard to understand. In my opinion, like I don't think I'm that hard to understand. So you figure it out. And I do this particularly in the hospitals, like when I'm dealing with the older patients, I'm like, you can figure it out. You can you can put your brain to work, you can figure it out.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

You're like, yes, just use it. Just use that brain of yours like, you've got this, I know you've got this. Like you're very smart. I. Help out my colleagues or anybody when, I see that there is a translation or a misunderstanding, like I would step in and say, he's saying that because sometimes person wants to give up on what they're saying as you said. They're like, okay, I've just repeated myself three times and this person is not getting it. So I find myself stepping in. To the person who is trying to understand them, saying, this person is saying this. You are not getting away from this conversation because you are tired of thinking through of the words that they're saying. Need, as you said, you need to understand this person. Because there's something about where when there's that loss in communication, some extent, there's almost this like loss of importance of the other, like the sense of significance, it's almost like all of a sudden, if it's somebody. And if it's someone from a different country, it would be like, oh, there was this guy, this dude who I couldn't get. It was just, it. That person becomes so random as a like a random guy or a random woman that just was trying to ask maybe let's say for directions like Lose. We lose that sense of no, this is a human being and they have a life story that we don't know nothing about. And all they were trying to do was ask for directions or ask a question or point to point something to you. And we don't have this oh, let me get to know this person even more. It was really bad enough just trying to have the first initial conversation. I would just end it right now and move on. I will not engage any further. think that's where people, some people lose significance there quite easily.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

I think like what you're saying goes hand in hand with assuming that people who don't speak English are not smart. I.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Because it's that thing like, you're frustrated, they don't speak English, so you're, it's really a breakdown of communication and you just, as you said, it becomes more irrelevant to you. But why is it, as you said, they are a human being who has a life and stuff like that. But it's also the thing of, oh, someone who doesn't speak English and not a smart, and I'm like, why? Why do, why is that the assumption? Based off of That, because there's so many different languages in this world. Yes, English is one of the more widely spoken languages, and I think because English is, one of the more widely spoken languages in some of the world superpowers, as I said, some not all people assume, Oh, you should speak English. If you don't speak English, then you're not smart. And those two have no correlation at all. But I've seen that kind of correlation here in America. And granted, I don't deal with that because I speak English, but I have seen it happen to other people in a sense that it's weird or if, or you have someone who English is a second or third language and they, so they speak it with a very. Very heavy accent, and it's an accent from a place that is not considered, I don't know, first world, because if you have someone who is French and they speak English in a very particular manner, but because they're from France. It might seem a little bit more exotic and nice and stuff, they might like, if you have a German speaking English, they might, it might seem more like kind of vibe, but then you have an Indian speaking English with a very thick Indian accent. Or you have, someone from a non-English speaking African country, speaking English or something like that. It doesn't seem more. It just seems like you are less educated than the other person, and then your accent is not taken in as well as someone else. The question is, why is that?

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah. This goes back to our previous episode where we were talking about who's writing the narrative or who's, narrative are we following? Like this sense of distrust when something is not, like if a person is not English speaking or is. a way we can't, like you can't relate to that person because they're not English speaking. And in fact, if you, the other thing I would want to add to that is, how you even speak English. If you articulate is another one, which I'm sure a lot of people, including myself, including you and including a lot of listeners right now, if you are coming from the diaspora and you're in the western part of the world. So I think, most likely, I won't say mostly the US someone has probably commented saying, you are so articulate, like you speak well, and it's and think about that.'cause then they had an assumption before you opened your mouth about how you were going to speak. So not only can you speak English, but your nouns and your verbs agree and your preposition is in the right place, and you know when to just stop talking and you know how to like your tone, your pitch. It's just it's almost wow you, are you, and you're speaking like that. And I don't know whether there's a sense of relating. Like the voice is I feel comforted by the voice, but why is your, why are you like this? Like why are you, a person of color, or why are you, why is your hair like that if you speak like that? So like I think there's this dissonance that like people experiencing their own heads of, I didn't expect you to speak like that because I associate kind of tone or this sort of articulation with a certain group of People. And yeah. and so like I think I've heard some people say there's something about people of color that speak, like speak English really well. Like a British Indian person or like a British African person. There's something about'cause it somehow, it's associated with. I dunno whether it's associated with Western. but then they're like, they have adopted this accent and it's oh they're like exotic, like all of a sudden.'cause they, how they look and how they speak is different, but it makes that good mix. Think of, I like Idris Alba who is the British actor. Like all of a sudden it's just oh, looks the way he sounds and the way he is, just that combination just makes him like unique and. So there's something there about how we are making judgements of, people.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

I think what, you're trying to say, but not trying to say is that it's associated with whiteness. So if you're not white and you speak like that, you speak eloquently. It's wait, what? And it's like, huh. Why are you surprised?

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah. Yes,

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Yeah, because that's what I know a lot of black British people get.'Cause again, the British accent is very much romanticized here in the us. So they come in, they speak like that, it's wow. That's an accent That's very much welcomed in the us

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

very much

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

And so imagine the combination of being. Truly smart and articulate because you actually went through an education system and then you have an accent. It's like you're holding so much power there. It means that literally you can ask for anything and someone will actually like, pay attention to you and say, let me, yeah. Okay. I will give you an opportunity to say what you wanna say because You're just welcomed. Sometimes when we think of i, dunno what you call that, because that, to me, that's like the sound of being able to relate, like relatability it's a, maybe it's a different form of like bias. it's a different form of bias. I know we always talk about skin color when it comes to racism or separating people because of the way they look, but have we even thought about discriminating people based on the way they sound?

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

That's definitely a thing. I dunno, I don't think we've thought as much into it as we should have, but I think that's definitely a thing.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah, That is, but oh, go ahead.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

I was gonna say no, because I've heard, I've seen, this is just social media Okay. When I'm randomly going through social media. But I've seen a couple of, black American influencers and stuff, seeing how, if you call, like even if it's a job interview, but you sound very black American, you let likely least get the job than if you sound more, less black American,'cause they assume, if you're more articulate. You have a higher chance of getting the job then versus the other way. So that's definitely a thing. So like how you sound, and it's funny'cause we are talking about accents and stuff like that from a more global perspective, but it also exists just here in the US with, and how different groups of people speak, sound and all that. It's interesting. It's just that our viewpoint is more so from comparing it to where we are coming from, which is from outside. But then they have the same problems here.'cause you've lived in Alabama, you've lived in the South, and you know how the people in the South talk. It amazes me and I'm just like with a yes ma'am. No ma'am.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yep.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Makes feel really old, but anyways. I could, I

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Oh.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

remember it was like a whole like, ha wow. Like these people speak so differently than people example in the Northeast. But even in the Northeast, there's differences in intonations and different things throughout the us. I'm not the best at. Picking it out, but I can certainly pick out a Southern accent and that really amazes me. But also, I do know that in some cases people might assume they're a little bit less educated based on how they sound. And I'm just like, where did that come from? See, that's another assumption that's being tugged along.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah. No that's true. That's a good question. Are we conditioned to associate competency, professionalism with as you said the, Like in the sense the western, the whiteness sense of like our accents and voice versus ve vernacular local. Yeah, like dialect as well, yeah, we're not really just appreciating the person. We're associating it with something with something else. And yeah. That's a tough one. Zel. I, don't know where that comes from, but it's something being aware of. Yeah, because like I said earlier, miss out on having a connection with others because of that. To think that separates people from. Just understanding themselves even better by looking at life through a lens of another person, the number of. Rides I've had with Uber drivers who are from another country. And some of them in some instances just because life just happened, they were professionals in their home country, like doctors, engineers, but they found their way in this part of the world and they had to start off with riding like driving like the Uber and trying to make ends meet. But they. When you talking to them, it's wow, this is what I used to do in my home country. I was this and this. And their level of knowledge is just it's just so surprising'cause I guess surprising in the sense that you're like. imagine if somebody was sitting in the Uber and was just like, Ugh, some random Uber guy just taking me home, not realizing like there's a whole story behind that. So we're not leaning in we need to lean in actually just ask questions and be curious.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

But that's an interesting example. However I think this is also where your extrovertedness comes into play because I know that everyone has a story something behind the life. Like we all have our different stories, but I don't necessarily care about it. Like when I, when my Uber drive, I just want to sit there in peaceful, quiet silence.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

because sometimes when people ha talk too much, oh, mg I'm just'cause when I was going to my last trip to Turkey, when I was in the Uber, to the airport into Philly the lady you would've loved her kept talking and talking. Just I just enjoy some silence. So I think that just depends. But I understand where you're coming from in the sense that. We shouldn't just, we should remember that there's a story behind all of it, and this is a human being with a life and stuff like that, that's true. Doesn't mean we have to talk to them, but I think you're res respectful and stuff. Respectful in general. I think that's the most important thing, which I think. Tends to go down the drain. For some people, when they hear someone speak, it's like all of a sudden they, I don't know, lose respect or something like that. I know sometimes some people also just simply curious, and I know I've got an asked like before, Hey, I know you have a hypnosis, the accent. Where are you from? And I think for me, because my accent is not. I wouldn't say it's strong. It's not strong, but as I talk, and you can definitely tell that I'm not from here, but it's not like the most glaring, obvious accent. So I, get to get that question a lot from patients. For example, they'll be like, oh, where are you from? And depending on who I am talking to, okay, maybe my answer is not the. It, not the kind. I just tell them where I'm from, doesn't matter,

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

because I don't wanna start talking about my story because simply because I'm trying to get out of that room. Like I'm trying to move on with my work. So I'm trying to reduce the amount. But I do know some people take offense to that, which I mean, I'm sorry, but let's see.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Because some people are simply just curious. They just wanna know more. And they're like, huh. And I, there's that beautiful curiosity out There. And there's, but there's also those ones who are not curious, who are just like, why do you sound like that? And I think you can always tell by the energy and, um, the vibe someone's giving, like, which direction it's going for me. Either direction gets the same answer unless I have time.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

and my question would, be why? Why are they asking that question? Would they have asked the question if it was a white American doctor who walked In?

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

I, think that's part of, I, I think that's part of it, is because yeah, you're a long, young, black female doctor and they're probably like, and then you don't sound. Black American, so they're like, they just probably wanna know where you're from.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah. And I wonder, have you gotten a situation where you've walked in, you haven't said anything, and do they have an assumption of what role you're playing

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Oh, all the time.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Exactly.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

All the time. So a lot of them will assume I'm the nurse and before I say anything, then I'll be like, oh no, I'm not your nurse, I'm your doctor. Then they'll be like, oh. And I'm like, yeah, like, yeah,

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

and there's some, there's some who you even introduce yourself as doctor. And they keep on saying Nurse. Yeah. Okay, that's Sorry for another day. No

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

That's another,

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

but those ones I still correct. I correct them. I'll be like, Nope, it's Doctor and I'll correct this until it gets into your head so that you can feel uncomfortable and I'll do it again. But anyways, yeah.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

No, and I, the reason I'm asking these questions is because it's so powerful how, without even mentioning anything about yourself, literally you just walk in and they have already, there's already this I'm thinking like this Chachi pt, like ready to go Id idea and profile of who you are. And even can you imagine even like the, energy of, okay, if you are the nurse. And if you, and if they're in their head, they're like the nurse looks like this. Maybe they're about to tell you like, oh, I don't like my water, I don't like my food. That sense of like now they're gonna pull, depending on how they feel what they have sensed from you, or, no, not sense from you, but what they're looking at Yeah. They're just like, I'm gonna treat this person like this. then. If another person walked in and was different, let's say a white American doctor, they might have a different attitude and be like, all right doc. I dunno how they approach it, but they might be softer, kinder, I don't know. I may be vice versa. Who knows? But that's so powerful though, you narrative is written before you can even speak it.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

And going back to this whole accents, how you sound kind of thing. For example, when I'm calling to transfer a patient. I do realize that I sound young and I'm a female. So when you get the attending on the other side of the whichever hospital you, particularly if you're doing, trying to transfer to a surgery service, which most of the times they're male attendings, they assume you're the resident. And I'm like, no, I am. I am the attending and the old, they're like, oh, and. Changes everything. Like even how they continue addressing you and stuff like that. They're like. Oh, so oh, I didn't realize this and this, and that. There's one time I dealt with someone who's a bit rude and I think he realized it, and so afterwards he was like, oh, don't worry. I'll keep you up to date with what's happening with the patient ever after that. He was so nice because he assumed I was either a medical student or a resident. He didn't realize that I was the attending because I was a female and I sounded young. And I have hired, other of my female colleagues deal with the same issue in which it's like these older male attendings just don't, so I don't know, they can't wrap their head around it, but and it's usually when they figure it out, it's like they have to do damage control because they're like, oh my goodness, we're gonna be in hot water if we don't do damage control. Because it's

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

because they just assume based on how you sound.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah. That is cr That's funny. And then the attitude changes once they dis

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

so hard.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah. Once they discover what, what's really going on? I honestly, this exhausted me. I, wanna say actually this to begin with, it didn't because when I came to the US I had coming to America, Eddie Murphy. character vibes. Yes. I totally clueless and because I had this like African the humility, so if someone said something, if if someone like, if someone was just like, Hey yeah, what are you doing here? I would just be like, Hey. I'm like in your case, I would say, I'm the doctor. I'm the doctor and I would just like, show up with a smile and I wouldn't see like, why are they questioning me? I would just be so excited. Like in my mind it would be like someone is talking to me, I am the doctor. And and I would just go on to explain if it was something to do with my hair, I'll be like yes. So in Africa or in Zambia, this is what we do. I would go on and on and I think they probably were not expecting me to go into these like explanations where like the conversation was only supposed to be for one minute or 30 seconds. But then I would go on and on and talk about where I'm from and why we do what we do. And I think in a way, obviously. I got I didn't feel it, but over time I started to when I, settled into my work, I started to feel it, and then I started to get exhausted it was like, I'm now aware of it. I know why you're asking. Or like the, change in the attitude and just the demeanor like that used to be exhaust me because I was like, you are not seeing me for who I am. You have a narrative of who I am. And when I started to recognize it, I realized I needed to expand my capacity for it to not,'cause I couldn't go back to the Eddie Murphy version because once you, hit the, once you are, once you realize the truth or you're hit with the truth. really go back because now it's now I have a choice of how I'm going to respond. so that's where I was like, oh, I need more capacity to be able to do my job, but not also get impacted because that is the hard part because I still get it. Like I still. You still, I see it in people's faces when they, hear me speak and they're trying to like process how that is matching with my skin color or they just, they, it's going through their heads, but then I just give them time to settle into their body and be like. Anyway, now that you maybe settled, let's start working. Let's get back to business, because it takes capacity. And honestly, this is one thing I would say, like if someone said, what's the difference with working in the diaspora versus maybe working from home? Because like where we are coming from, we're coming from homogeneous cultures, so nobody's really thinking that much about. Their skin color, their accents, they're just doing their job. And then in this part of the world, you have an extra thing, an extra layer you need to deal with. And I'm just like, I don't want it to impact me. So I have to create this capacity. And I know people might have different ways of. combating it and some people might have what I consider combative strategies, like where it's no, I'll put them in their place, but then I'm like, okay, so how much energy and time should I do that? Like how, often should I be putting them in their place? That's my, question.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

I don't I don't have that combative strategy either, but I don't have a passive strategy either. For me, my strategy is simply just doll it back at them in a very nice, calm, cool, collected manner that makes them look, think that, how dumb are we? That's my strategy because you tell me something and I'll do it right back and be like, really? And in a really nice way, and you'll, you will think about it hard because you'll realize I should not have said that because I'll just be like, why do you say that? It's like the example I, told you before how like when the elderly patient I had was like, oh, you don't look like a doctor. So I asked her very calmly, what does a doctor look like? And she was stammering on her words, trying to figure out what a doctor looks like. And then when I left the room and she didn't realize, I still could hear what she was saying. She told the nurse who was also Caucasian and blonde was like, oh, I'm I, did not mean to offend, I didn't really mean to do that. I, I was not trying to be mean or rude or anything like that. She was telling the nurse there. But see, that made her think so she's not gonna be look at someone who she thinks is not a doctor based on her 80 years of life. And she'll next time, she'll think through it twice. That's what I do, and I doll it out really nicely in a very calm manner, and I'll be like, why are you thinking that? And then think about It. That's what I do because beforehand I used to just keep quiet. Like you just keep quiet and be like,

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

in the awkwardness. And I'm like, no, no, no. I'm gonna throw the awkwardness back at you in a very nice, calm, cool, and collected manner that will make you feel like I will never do that again.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

yeah. That's a good, that's, I feel like that's a strategy that's in the middle. It's in the middle where you're not. not living in this rhetoric of it's us versus them. Like you're just saying no, I will continue doing my job. I'll continue living my best life, but when it comes up, I will address it right there and then. because if you think about it, like in the past, and I think I've done this as well, where. The thing happens and then you go back home and speak to your friends and family about it because you are like, you feel a sense of being powerless because you didn't say anything. Then now to console yourself and to regulate your nervous system, you're like, I need to talk to my parents. I need to talk to my, friends who can relate. And then over time, identity feels smaller because now they're, you're giving more power to that person. And you're just not yourself. And I think that's, that, that's why we're talking about this today, right? Is because these ideas of I'm different from these other people, and because I'm different, it means I'm less powerful. But that's not true at all. you can hold yourself in these spaces, you do have to have energy to deal with the situation at hand as opposed to bringing back that negative energy into yourself.'cause then over time you're just like, I don't feel welcome. I don't feel loved. I don't feel like I need to be here. Maybe I need to move countries or I need to do this. When you're ready to be done with that environment, you leave. But in the meantime you don't need to lose your power over it. I guess that's what I'm saying.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

I think it's just as you said, live your best life and then do with it as you can because that way you don't limit yourself.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Because I think I think it's easier said than done, and I think it's easier for us who did not grow up in these countries We grew up. You grew up in Zambia having a really healthy sense of self. You're just

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Madonna in Zambia moving, doing your life and stuff. You don't have to think about some of this extra stuff. And also because you did not grow up in a poor home. So you didn't grow up lacking, so you didn't grow up like with other issues. You just had like in your head you're like, you just had a normal life. That actually helps you, I think when you come abroad because you just have this healthy sense of self and you just move through life. Yeah I belong here. Just the same way any of you belong here, which throws people off. It throws people off, but it also gets them thinking. And also then when you speak and they start to realize you're not even from here, it's even, it's wow. Huh. They act like that, but it's actually a very beautiful. Thing to have. And it's also protective in its own kind of way.'cause you're not there thinking about every single thing that could possibly happen. You are just like Moving through life. So in a sense it's actually a blessing'cause we have a better it's a more, I think it's a healthy outlook. It's less negative outlook on life.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

No, that is very helpful. But I guess it, helps to also then travel. If you're in an environment that is constantly, like if you're not, if you're a person that like is in, a case in the US for example, it helps to travel so that you can see that you think is not normal. Is actually

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Normal. Yeah.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

There's no such a thing as exotic. What is exotic is actually normal in some places and it just ha Yeah. Like you don't, yeah. So you stop questioning the difference instead of, and just embrace it. And so it's, just what it is. And that's, the thing, that's the beauty about it. And that's what's so funny about these things is because almost like a mind twist because your mind is to is signaling to you difference, really? No. Like I, yes, there's like physical difference, but it's not like you're in danger or anything. It's just And if you can go past it, you can then experience another world, another person. And just like that's, just surprises me. And I guess that's why we're the family outliers.'cause we're like, to expand people's minds. Like things are just normal. Like you just need to travel and seed for yourself.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

Honestly, but like I feel like human beings just don't like difference. They don't know how to handle difference. That's just one thing. And because it seems like it goes with the mantra, agree to disagree. So like with difference, you have to agree that someone's different and it's okay.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

mm. Mm-hmm.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

people, human beings, minds, people just can't seem to wrap their head around it. It's the same fashion in which I think human beings in general don't like change. Even though change is one of the most constant, one of the most guaranteed things in life, that things just keep on changing. But people don't think about it like that. So people, anything that's different or that causes a sudden change or shift is met with more resistance than. Curiosity because it means you have to expand your mind and actually think more and just be like, huh, wait, so I thought this all along, but it actually could be like this. Or this is the the thing. And human beings don't have the capacity to do that in general if, depending on how, where you grew up.'cause for some of us it's, I have zero problem with change. I have zero problem with differences because I'm so used to it That I'm just like. Bring it on. But that's because I also grew up getting used to that. But people who grew up in very monotone places, very isolated kind of way of growing up and stuff, might not have the same capacity to deal with it because they're not used to it. It doesn't mean they can't gain the capacity to deal with it. But again, it just means getting out of your comfort zone, who the people are getting out of their comfort zones. No. So they try to fit you into their comfort zone instead of getting outta their comfort zone.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

it is what it is,

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

it is what it is. Wow.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

but we'll work. We'll keep working, we'll keep working to change it and make it better.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

we will. We will. are here. We're doing it. We're doing it. Embrace difference. Outliers. Embrace difference.

accent--attitude-and-assumptions_1_10-06-2025_132251:

We have come to the end of this episode. We are on all the major podcast platforms, guys, so YouTube, apple. Spotify, you name it, you can find us there. So please go watch us, listen to us, like subscribe to our YouTube channel. Please leave us comments. Let us know what are your experiences with accents and assumptions. Wherever you are, we'll would love to hear what you guys have to say and would love to have more of a discussion. With that, you can also reach us via the family outliers@gmail.com. We are open to hearing more from you guys over there, working more with people and getting more collaborations. So until next time guys, have fun, live large, and don't be afraid to be an outlier. Thank you guys.

choolwe--she-_1_10-06-2025_182252:

Thank you